These past couple of weeks have been really tough.
My energy was severely low, I was sick, and I felt like I was struggling through muck.
The full moon and a coaching session cleared the “muck” but only amplified the emptiness. I felt like an empty shell, not knowing what to do or what to say.
Eventually I gave in to the stillness. Accepting that, yes, this too is a place where I’m meant to be. And hey, it’s another great learning experience for my upcoming workshop “Dancing in the Unknown”. I was in the unknown alright. I had no idea where I was or where I was going.
I suppose I had forgotten what it was like to spend time with myself alone with no agenda. It felt weird, awkward. And I was bored out of my mind to tell you the truth. Being sick left me with no energy or motivation.
So there I sat, day after day, not doing much of anything, sleeping to my heart’s content, and wondering if life will ever be the same again.
Luckily my energy suddenly (finally!) returned and I snapped back into reality – coincidentally (or not) right on the day of the new moon.
With my mind back in working order, I reflected on what had happened and what I learned. This odd couple weeks of nothingness left me feeling rested, clear, stress-free, and cared for.
It made me see just how little I knew about being truly still.
You see… I had spent years in overwhelm and spent all of 2014, during my coaching training, working through the stories, beliefs, and fears that held me there. Last year was my first year free from overwhelm; but my hands and mind were still always busy.
Being thrusted into this long span of stillness made me see that there’s still a piece missing from my journey out of overwhelm.
Overwhelm had been conquered, yes, but now there was something to claim. Space. Freedom. Truly connecting.
It’s time that I connect even deeper with myself. To gift myself pockets of that alone time every day without an agenda. It is, after all, the only way to build a relationship.
And with Valentine’s Day coming up, it’s the perfect gift I could give or receive: quality time with the one person I am destined to spend eternity with – myself.
PS Registration for my upcoming workshop “Dancing in the Unknown” is now open!
Join me, as we step into the unknown, use creativity as a tool to expand our comfort zone with uncertainty, listen deeply within, learn to navigate our fear, and start to build trust in our inner knowing… Trust in ourselves.
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Susie Schroeder says
Kristal, you do look pale in that pic. Glad you are feeling better. I have to drive to my bf’s place on V-Day, and that takes an hour, so I shall meditate then
Chris Noah-Cooper says
I’m glad you’re feeling better now. Know very much how that feels – not an illness, but recovery from surgery. I had ample opportunity to experience the witness role in depth as I observed my right leg become pathetically small and weak. Happy to say, it is almost back now. Let’s hear it for exercise! And pain, lots of pain. And, since I am at the other end of the spectrum from you at seventy, to witness all the odd behaviors of people I don’t know as they interacted with me. A few people did come and visit me in the hospital which was very much appreciated, but other people bizarrely called me “dear.” So it is a learning experience. What saves you is humor. What gets you better is not buying in on the “nay sayers” who want to limit your vision. Now, six weeks after hip replacement, I can walk a mile. It helps if you have been seeing that action from the very beginning.
Let your body teach you and remember to keep it simple. Our brains do us in if we let them.
patricia barnes says
Kristal, You just told my story of the last few weeks. Stillness and mucky and then ahhhh when I felt vibrant again….we all need to listen to our bodies and sometimes they have to shout to be heard. Happy Valentine’s Day. xo
Jay Berryhill says
I’m glad to see your better. I often fight the cold and/or Flu season. Last year I was out for two months (I feel your pain). This I dodge the bullets,My food bank gave me two large boxes of Bagged salads. Everyday since middle December I cleared a bag o’ salad,as well at least two serving of veggies. Also my depression treatment is more successful.
I share this in the hopes you can avoid Winter’s illnesses.