I had always liked to think that society didn’t play a big role in how I lived my life.
My parents were pretty open minded about what I chose to do, and my mom was always marveling at the way I never seemed to care about what other people thought of me.
But now, as I become more and more awakened to all the different parts of me within, I can see, I wasn’t that much different than all the other flocks of sheep.
Somehow it was ingrained in me that logic should always be valued more than intuition. That being in control was the smartest way to live. That if you want it done right, you gotta do it yourself. That sexuality is to be hidden. That play is only for children. That if you’re hurt, you should suck it up.
If you asked my parents about these beliefs, they probably would have dubbed them untrue (except maybe the do it yourself one!).
And yet, these beliefs formed deep within me as I grew. There was no escaping society’s carefully structured system. And this masculine, “left brain” way of thinking began to wear me down.
It was like a seed that began to grow within, taking hold, then quietly strangling my creative, intuitive, emotional side.
I found myself grasping for control in every part of my life… I was only able to fill my car’s gas tank if my usual pump at my favorite station was open. I would rearrange the dishwasher if someone else loaded it. I would shut down all of my emotions to keep my actions in check. My art became automatic and formulaic. And I even came close to ruining my best friend’s wedding because I wanted it done “my way”.
My internal dualities were shifted way to the left, and I was struggling to keep hold. I felt like I was fighting upstream just to keep afloat.
Then depression hit.
And I got mad.
What right did I have to be depressed? I had a wonderful, loving husband. Two (at the time) healthy, amazing kids. And I even had my “dream job” of selling my art. And yet, there I was… feeling empty, lost, and depressed.
At the time, I had no idea what was wrong. All I knew was that there was something more. Something I was missing.
Looking back, I can now clearly see that I was suffering from imbalance. I had completely shut down my “right-brain” way of thinking – the part of me that is intuitive, emotional, feminine, and oh so creative.
I was only living from half of who I truly was.
And this is how the majority of us learned how to live in this world. It was necessary to survive. For many years, society has only honored the masculine, logical side of us. It’s the only side that’s allowed to shine through.
But we are lucky enough to see the day where all of this is finally starting to shift.
Creativity is becoming more appreciated. It’s becoming more acceptable to talk about our emotions. Spiritual healers are coming out of hiding. Play is finally getting encouraged! (Have you seen all of those adult coloring books and summer camps and activity centers!?)
And as the world fights to shift out of our old patriarchal system, we too must stand for a balance within ourselves.
We must reawaken our innate creativity, our intuition, our feminine essence. And embrace the mysterious dualities within our selves.
Because yes we are strong, but we are also vulnerable and emotional.
Yes, we are logical, but we’re also intuitive.
Yes, we know how to take control, but we can also let go with grace.
We are rational AND we are creative.
It’s time we reclaim all parts of our selves. And creativity? Is the perfect way in.
I know you know all of this. Whether consciously or not. You found your way here, didn’t you? Creativity is calling you. But perhaps you’re feeling stuck. Perhaps just learning art techniques isn’t enough.
Perhaps you’re having trouble shifting gears and fully awakening that “right-brain”, creative side of you. That’s where I can help.
I walked this path so I can know it deeply. I know what it’s like to be stuck in perfectionism and control. So, as I continue to awaken my own creative side, and find my own inner balance, it’s become a passion of mine to help others reclaim their creative selves as well. Because I know just how painful it is to be shut down. I know our society is far from healing this imbalance as a whole.
And I know, with all my heart, that you ARE creative, and you were meant to live your life in full expression of ALL parts of you.
We must step forth and reclaim our own balance. Reclaim the side of us that has been shut down by society. And that’s exactly what we’ll be doing together this September in my 7-week guided journey: Creative Soul Roots. If all of this has sounded a little too familiar, then I hope you join us in the online classroom for support in awakening your creative side.
But for today, what small step can you take to honor that neglected, creative, intuitive, emotional side of you?
Leave a comment below to share your story or claim your next step!
Much love to you!!